I wanted to specifically talk about people pleasing because it is something I see with a lot of my clients.
The reason I feel this is so common as emotional eaters because if we think back to childhood, you rely on your parents and caregivers to meet your needs.
Usually our needs are met when we do what our caregivers say or behave a certain way. And if we don’t do as they say our needs would not have been met.
In reality most of our needs were probably not met and we did whatever we could to hold on to the ones we could get met. We keep ourselves a certain way.
You might have been afraid of upsetting your parents or caregivers or disappointing them because if they didn’t meet your needs, your survival was at stake.
This might seem like a far jump but this is how it works for children developmentally.
So when we people please to get our needs met we are not being our authentic selves. What usually happens internally is a little voice develops that tells us we have to be a certain way in order to be taken care of and have some of our needs met.
BUT this is not who you truly are. This is an adaptation.
So we start doing things out of this habit but internally we may be going against the we truly want again and again.
That true self has certain needs that are not being met but it is using people pleasing to get some of it’s needs met in a round about way.
What I see with clients…
So what I see with clients after so many years of having this pattern, the internal discomfort grows and grows. And in order to “soothe” or quiet that voice, that knawing sensation they use food to cope.
So they keep on people pleasing because that is how they think they will get their needs met and then they emotionally eat to quiet the internal voice and cope with the discomfort.
They are not sure how to stand up for themselves, to step out and ask for what they really need. I see this time and time again in work situations, in relationships, etc.
It’s hard to ask in THAT moment for what you truly need even though now you are an adult and are functional. And your survival doesn’t depend on this other person. But you have remnants of this trauma from growing up.
This is a pattern I see with clients. A lot of my clients are successful and have achieved a lot and are doin amazing things but this internal trauma is still running the show.
What this leads to is to emotional eating, to not taking up the space, not having boundaries and not taking care of themselves. And finding it hard to implement strategies that would help them.
How to move past this…
So what we need to do in this situation is to go deeper and look at the deeper pattern.
This is why I love (!) doing somatic work with my clients with psychotherapy tools. So that we are processing this at a deeper level in the body, and moving through these limitations and limiting beliefs they have.
So that they can listen to what they TRULY need.
That can be hard and daunting. When we look at this level we start seeing what we’ve been playing out in our life.
Because for a certain amount of time you can keep hitting into those walls and bulldozing yourself and pushing past but at some point you will see the effects. Your body will begin to give out, you will sabotage yourself and fall back into your emotional eating pattern. Because it is the only way you know to quiet that voice, to soothe it and not feel the discomfort of what it is telling you because you are caught up in the people pleasing pattern.
So emotional eating becomes multilayered. It’s important we understand that there are other things playing out under the surface.
Why the typical solutions don’t work
And this is why when we slap on a diet, or a behaviour change or x y or z we hit up against our limits and beliefs about ourselves and what we deserve. Can we take up space? Can we honour our body? We realize we haven’t been doing this.
The human body is amazing but at some point it will give out when you keep depleting it without filling it back up.
Check inside – do you feel when you do something and internally there is a no, you feel like you “should” do it to be nice, to look a certain way, to appear a certain way?
This is how we people please. And disconnect from our truth, our body and what we need.
When we are able to resolve this pattern internally we will then be able to ask for what we need, to take the time and space to care for ourselves. And create a win win situation, both internally and with others.
This is how we create space to feel good at work, in relationship and with ourselves. We will not be constantly criticizing and beating ourselves up.
Emotional eating is a doorway to yourself, to coming back to wholeness.
I see this people pleasing pattern happen around…
->not taking up the time and space to nourish ourselves
-> not implementing routines that will help us accept our body and take care of it so it can function at it’s best.
-> We don’t take the time and space to move through those emotions being triggered and the stressors and to move through that and have support.
We are abandoning ourselves on all of these levels because of this people pleasing pattern.
When out come back to yourself on all of these levels you show up more powerfully as YOU.
And you can ask for what your needs are and feel good. Not just when you take a break or go on vacation but day to day.
When you’re able to shift that and look at this pattern head on your life starts changing and transforming. And that is how you become more successful, and move forward more and have the relationships you want and feelings in your life.
I see this a lot with clients and what prevents them from moving forward and resolving their emotional eating.
This is something we work on in The Emotional Eating Evolution Program to create supportive structures and inner alignment so you feel confident, at ease and free around food and in your body.
If you’re ready to resolve your emotional eating and move past people pleasing I invite find out more about The Emotional Eating Evolution Program here. It is my step by step methodology, with lots of support, guidance, meditations to support your journey. You can also apply + book in an Assessment call here where we chat about where you are at, your goals and how we can support you.
Certified Holistic Nutritionist + Emotional Eating Expert